If we were running things (and if our "Project: Atomic Woodchuck" experiment pans out, we will be), then that whole "all the world's a stage" thing would be right out the window. It would be more like... like... "all the world's a casino". Yeah! You know, because you take a chance when you lay your cards down at the Blackjack Table of Life, but if you get lucky you might just come out on top. Good one, eh? We'd be the casino owners, because they always come out on top, but we'd give out way more Free Drinks of Life than most casinos do, because we love you. Also, we wouldn't use the cheap brands, and there wouldn't be any of that watering-down crap. We'd replace the tiger guys (of Life) with robot tiger guys that can get chewed on by the tigers every show, and the Wayne Newton of Life would be required to personally greet you at the casino entrance. None of this has anything to do with this week's drink of course... we're just trying to use vague metaphoric references so that we look smart.

Just as a side note though, if you have any strontium-90, cesium-137, or woodchucks, and we know you do, please consider redeeming them in our new "Woodchucks for points" program. If you collect 12,000 points, you can get a keychain!